I have seen the sunrise and the best moments last forever.

There is really no point in pretending like life is a pretty little flower and all it does is bloom all day long. I've watched so many people I care about leave me in this world. There is really no hope in pretending that everything will be perfect but we've got to carry on.

I miss the days when the sun would shine and we would stay out until the lights came on in the street. I miss the days when the strangers all around us were people that we trusted right at first glance. In this world we learn there are reason we must be cautious.

I guess sometimes we get jaded we have all we ever wanted until we find other things that we don't have anymore to wish for. I can look at my life and say I have everything I can remember searching for from Cars to money to girls but still I find myself wishing for things I don't have. It's sad to see what I've become on a materialistic level but I'm not alone in this journey.

I have found the key to happiness but I seem to misplace is from time to time. I frolic near the border of happiness and depression. I ponder thoughts that consume who I am and who I once was. I've met people who strive for perfection and people who think they've achieved it.

I am just a cloud, I am growing darker but all I see is future rainbows and reasons for children laughter. I have seen the sunrise and the best moments last forever. - Chad G Henning

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My new goal

As I fall into this place of life and lost cause I feel myself falling further from the dream that I once had. I truly thought that I would be able to do something special but as time passes I realize that I am not special I am average perhaps worse. I was always brought up knowing I was the best at everything until everything I was good at become irrelevant. In the next month I will turn 26 a number that feels so distant from who I am and how I feel I am capable of acting. I can only feel so old given what I've accomplished I've broken every hope any has ever held for me. The only person that I have not let down is my mother who seems to live in this delusional place where she tells all her friends I am a success. She pretends that I am something I am not but maybe I started that being as I tried for so long to be someone I wasn't. I used to "fake it til I make it" until I watched my mistakes drag the people I cared about through the mud. The actions I have taken have put my family through a financial nightmare over the past 3 years... That's 3 years of life over something that took me 8 weeks to let happen. I have been more selfish than I can even explain and I deserve what I get. Even now I have things that I do not deserve, The car that I have is financed by my family and given to me... I am no prince yet I've been handed everything for so long I've never known how to earn anything. I'm hoping to become someone who can actually handle the troubles of hard work. I would really like to focus on paying back the people who I've let down over the next year. That will be my new goal.

Trains in the moonlight

Whenever I stand committed to the place where the world is at ease I just make a silly little song and walk to the beat. I come and I go I watch and I suffer the people I know they are better with whoever I am evil I cannot change ever since the days it rained but now I'm alone forever hiding and I can't be whoever I used to be. I've watched the days go passing by like a train in the moon light light light I can't be who you need me to be so I say you are better off without me.