My new goal

As I fall into this place of life and lost cause I feel myself falling further from the dream that I once had. I truly thought that I would be able to do something special but as time passes I realize that I am not special I am average perhaps worse. I was always brought up knowing I was the best at everything until everything I was good at become irrelevant. In the next month I will turn 26 a number that feels so distant from who I am and how I feel I am capable of acting. I can only feel so old given what I've accomplished I've broken every hope any has ever held for me. The only person that I have not let down is my mother who seems to live in this delusional place where she tells all her friends I am a success. She pretends that I am something I am not but maybe I started that being as I tried for so long to be someone I wasn't. I used to "fake it til I make it" until I watched my mistakes drag the people I cared about through the mud. The actions I have taken have put my family through a financial nightmare over the past 3 years... That's 3 years of life over something that took me 8 weeks to let happen. I have been more selfish than I can even explain and I deserve what I get. Even now I have things that I do not deserve, The car that I have is financed by my family and given to me... I am no prince yet I've been handed everything for so long I've never known how to earn anything. I'm hoping to become someone who can actually handle the troubles of hard work. I would really like to focus on paying back the people who I've let down over the next year. That will be my new goal.